My Lifesong

I’m not sure if I’m the only weirdo who has a “Song of the Year”. I do not pick it just because it’s my favorite song, nor is it because it’s new and popular. My Song of the Year summarizes my words, emotions, sentiments for that particular year. It’s a song that reverberates in the background as I walk through the journey with my Father.

2003 Who Am I by Casting Crowns

Who am I? I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind. Still You hear me when I’m calling, Lord You catch me when I’m falling. And You told me who I am, I am Yours.

~o~

Before 2003, I had been struggling with some life issues. One of which was my feelings of worth. You see, I am the youngest in the family. I’d always felt that my parents made ALL the decisions in my life. I felt they tried protecting me by controlling me. This hindered me from voicing out my opinions, emotions, etc at home and in school. Not telling them anything was one thing I could control. I thought it was a sign of independence. Nobody knew I felt useless, hopeless, depressed and frustrated.

To add to that, compared to my other cousins, I considered myself less gifted / talented. My cousins from my mother's side are very much gifted artistically, while those from my father's side are gifted in terms of music. They've joined several contests, won numerous awards, and were even granted scholarships abroad. Although I liked music and arts, I felt the little me did not belong anywhere. My weaknesses outnumbered my strengths. And those little strengths I have were overpowered by the strengths of others.

For years I was an empty Christian masked with a smile. Of course there were some instances I’d be really happy. Like when I get attention from the opposite sex, traveling, getting what I want (recognition, material possession), these made me happy. But knowing these were temporary made me even sadder. So I ask myself, Who am I really? Is my identity or my worth based on boys? On achievements?

When I heard this song, God was already showing me that I am His daughter, His precious little princess whom He saved through the blood of Jesus Christ. Even if I get good grades or get more praise, I am worthless, apart from Him.

2004 Hallelujah to the Lamb by Don Moen

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah to the Lamb! Hallelujah, hallelujah, by the blood of Christ we stand. Every tongue, every tribe, every people, every land giving glory, giving honor, giving praise to the lamb of God.

~o~

Before I heard this song, I had a dream. I dreamt that my cousin was pulling me to go to church. When I woke up, I realized that my dream was very real. I had no passion to go to church nor to read His word. I prayed for the eagerness to go to church and to joyfully swallow His word. He answered my prayers. This was the first very first song I heard when I was all excited to attend a Sunrise service at Jubilee Evangelical Church.

2005 Everything to Me by Avalon

You’re everything to me. You’re more than a story, more than words on a page of history. You’re the air that I breathe, the water I thirst for. You’re the ground beneath my feet. You’re everything to me.

~o~

It was during my college days, that I was surrounded with friends who had the desire to get to know Jesus. We would usually share the (deep) updates of our lives, support and witness each other grow. We would literally pull each other up. This song was introduced to me by a friend and it became a staple song in the mp3 players of my friends. I realized this year that fellowship is very important to the growth of an individual in all aspects of life. You would not only have bestfriends, but also sisters/brothers in life.

2006 Held by Natalie Grant

This is what it means to be held, how it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life ... We'd be held.

~o~

My parents were Buddhists. They were very much against me devoting my time to the Lord. They nitpicked my imperfections even to the point of telling me I was a “black sheep” of the family. God held me, and I found comfort in Him. Having fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ gave me encouragement. It is during times of trials and persecution that our faith is tested, will we conform to the world? Or soar with God?

2007 Everything in its Time by Corrine Mae

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead, how long till my hunger is fed. They say it's hard to make it in this part of town so many people on this merry-go-round. Some folks try astrology, some turn to crystal balls to find an answer, to get through it all. I just fall on my knees and I try to pray in the silence I can hear Him say.. The river runs and the river hides out to the ocean and under the sky. I promise you, the answer will come hold on to patience and watch for the sign everything in its time

~ o ~

Many people upon graduating college, do not know where they are headed to. During this time, God taught me about the issues of money and greed, and of faith and uncertainty. When I lifted my studies for Him to lead, He led it very well, such that I was able to graduate with honors. I realized this time, He also wanted me to lift up my future to Him. I cannot hold on to both money and Him. Either I sulk in greed or walk in faith. This song played in the background as I gave Him the key to my future.

~ o ~

People Need the Lord by Steve Green

At the end of broken dreams, He’s the open door.. People need the Lord, when will we realize, that people need the Lord.

~ o ~

I was an NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Friend). Unconsciously, I was locked in a cycle of liking someone, hoping, and getting hurt. I remember it was in a joint cell group when God made me realize about this cycle, that I had been allowing men to fill up a hole in my heart and make me happy. I would put my focus on them. If a guy leaves, it’d hurt until another guy comes along. I prayed for God to take me out of the cycle. I asked God to fill in all the holes and cracks in my heart so that He can make me complete. He was once again gracious to hear my prayers.

2008 Completely by Anna Laura

The secret of life is letting go. The secret of love is letting it show in all that I do, in all that I say.. The power of prayer is in a humble cry, the power of change is in giving my life.. Take my heart, take my soul. I give everything to Your control, let all that is within me, lift up to You and say, I am Yours and Yours alone, completely.

~ o ~

Some of the biggest trials in my life happened in 2008. I got sick. I got operated. Some pathologists said I might have cancer. What’s wonderful was that so many people came and prayed for me. (Thank God for the church!) It was miraculous that God gave me peace. I was even singing songs the night before the operation.

During this time I learned to lift up my life, my body for God.

2009 While I’m Waiting by John Waller

I’m waiting, I’m waiting on you Lord. And I am hopeful, I’m waiting on You lord. But when it’s painful, patiently I will wait. I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience. While I’m waiting, I will serve You. While I’m waiting, I will worship. While I’m waiting, I will not fade. I’ll be running the race even while I wait.

~ o ~

When God said wait, He did not mean I had to sit pretty all day long. I took the time to serve God, my family and God’s people.

2010 To be Announced.

It's not the end of my journey yet. I’m still a work in progress. This year, God is giving me the opportunity to lead some of my sisters in Christ. As for my family, we are more okay now. God is continually molding them, softening their hearts, blessing them with Christian friends. I was surprised that my dad appreciated the movie “Fireproof” and he even encouraged my cousins to join a cell group.

By His grace, I hope I can become a princess that shines for Jesus and inspires others to do the same.

To God be all the glory!