This year opened up with a burst of emotions and realizations. It was not as merry as I thought my new year would be. The trouble started one morning when I woke up, and I realized I would be doing nothing, no plans to accomplish, no nothing. It was such a depressing thought for a Chlorsan girl like me.
You see, I had to be productive, to be challenged, to do something with my hands. And on a beautiful weekday when everyone was working and I on the other hand had nothing to do, it was depressing. This had been a constant troubling thought since I left my job last February ‘09. This pushed me:
to make greeting cards…
to try gardening…
(No available photo. A number of plants died in the process.)
I tried several others too, making crafts, bags, games and activities. They were there to make my hands full. And still sometimes, my hands would end up doing nothing and it was stressful. (Maybe this was why my previous boss thought of me as a sponge, I didn’t mind having too much work. At the end of the day, he would still see me smiling.)
For nearly one year of being out of the corporate world, I spent most of the time getting to know myself, doing things that were making me happy. And I was rebuked early this month by a brother in Christ. He made me realize that I had been selfish. “Time is (too) gold” and I wanted to make the most out of it every single day, MY way.
Then it hit me. Where is God in the picture? If I were to rationalize, I’d say well there’s nothing wrong with baking, cooking or making those greeting cards! But then again, who owns my time? Who gives me breathe? How should I live it anyway? Am I born to be a masochist with a daily purpose of tiring myself? Shouldn’t I devote my time to God who saved me and made me His daughter?
Then this brother of mine shared with me how the world measures man. People first look at COMPETENCE. If you’re good enough, then there you would find your WORTH and then, finally, ACCEPTANCE.
God on the other hand has an opposite way of doing so, and you bet, this is the more important one. Because He loves us so much, He sent His (perfect) son to die for you and me (see our worth here?), for us to be part of His family once again and enter His Kingdom. Anyway, once we accept that He has saved us and allow Him to become the Lord of our lives, then we become His sons and daughters. :)
His way starts with ACCEPTANCE. He has already accepted us for who we are as His heir. He also opted to forgive us no matter how grave our sins were and would be (they were washed by Jesus’ blood). There we can find our WORTH. Then, He will make us COMPETENT His way. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20)
Why make ourselves so busy to find worth and acceptance, when God has already accepted us? (So here, I realized that YES, we need not do anything to prove ourselves.)
But what do we do then?
A few nights later, God reminded me through a question, ‘why did you quit your job in the first place?’ Is it merely to make your own business? To study? Frankly, no and no. My primary reason was to have more time to serve God and to serve my family. I would also love to make more memories with them. This I saw was a more meaningful way of spending the usual 8am-5pm office hours. And since time is so precious, I guess it must be spent based on my priorities.
I took this opportunity to entrust my time to him - To allow Him to use me productively. I believe that when we offer anything to God, we will have the opportunity to witness God’s hand at work. And it will be extremely spectacular if that ‘anything’ offered is a life. It will be worth it. Remember, His ways are better than our ways. :)